We often feel like it’s the big gestures or the grand effort that counts, that will really help when someone is down, needs a lift, or is struggling.  However, if you really listen to people- most of them would tell you (even if they don’t say it out loud) that it is the seemingly smallest of gestures (in our eyes) that mean the most. Could be a timely text message, phone call or check- in but the point is what we might consider to be un-important could mean everything to someone else.

Whilst I am an advocate of not comparing yourself to others – we often assume that if we are ok with situations – that others will be too. The whole theme of this ‘making it through’ concept is that we all deal with ‘stuff’ but are maybe not equipped to deal with it the same way – whether that’s our internal or external resources. So actually, in this instance – there is a reason to compare –that regardless of how well we are getting on, getting by or dealing with those things that life throws at us all – that it may not be the same for everyone!

One of the key human needs is connection. To feel a part of something, to belong, to be included, to be needed, understood, to be loved, to just be yourself – and to be accepted for exactly who you are is a stretch for many. But this is powerful. To seek out the glue that holds us all together.

When you combine our emotional needs with the day to day issues we may be trying to deal with – it is hard to accept that whilst ‘usually’ we might be able to cope –that there are times when we struggle. We may disappear into our own thoughts, our  anxieties, the downward spiral of thoughts that we don’t feel comfortable to share – and this is probably when we need to speak to others the most – and feel like it the least.

So to get back to the most important things. If someone seems to be ‘quiet’, withdrawn, a little self-absorbed – self-obsessed or self-centred to us may mean that it is because they are struggling to process all that is going on for them and that they have no idea how to put it into words (or don’t want to share)– and that reaching out would be the last thing to do.  Sometimes speaking your truth is the hardest thing in the world. And if you can’t speak your truth and cannot express your emotions then sometimes – just sometimes it is the ‘smallest’  of gestures that means the most.  That if someone knows and feels you enough to see all of the above, and understands you, that maybe you need a card, maybe a message of support, maybe a dinner, perhaps a trip to the shops, a long walk, whatever it is, that might be the one thing that actually makes all the difference to them!

I guess the point is, that if you are aware of those around you (which has been far far more difficult in lockdown) and you are concerned about them on any level, then reach out. For you a very simple gesture might be the biggest thing in their day. Just that someone cared enough to check in.

So don’t ever under-estimate the power of doing those small things. Because it usually turns out – they are the big things – to someone else.

Take care of each other