Debate is a process that involves formal discourse on a particular topic. In a debate, arguments are put forward for often opposing viewpoints.

The problem often encountered is that people are unable to express their viewpoints without getting emotional or angry, and will completely avoid subjects that make them upset so they resort to shouting to get their point across.

The classics of sex, politics and race seem to be great contenders for people finding it hard to get to common ground or to listen to another viewpoint without trying to force their opinion on someone else.

Someone (a man) told me the other day that ‘sexism doesn’t exist in the workplace anymore’ – (hilarious) and if only it was true. Sometimes the problem is that people have formed an opinion or perspective from a place of ignorance, or a position where they have no understanding of the issues and experiences other people may have faced.

I’ve heard plenty of people over the years say that debating skills should be taught in school, but I also find that in a corporate environment – I am often helping people or teams with active listening skills.

Active listening is where you focus on what the person is saying and listen to understand – rather than listening to answer. In fact often people are not even listening they are preparing their response mentally whilst the other person is still talking. The opposite of being present and attentive.

It is important because this allows us to really ‘hear’ what the other person is saying about how they feel. Listening to understand can change perspectives. Giving people the space to be heard is a very powerful gesture in lots of situations but is also a very powerful communication tool for life.

So maybe next time someone has a difference of opinion, your model of the world is nothing like theirs, take the time to give them the opportunity to be heard – as long as they will afford you the same respect.

Often you find you can come to a point of at least one thing in common, however it is perfectly acceptable to agree to disagree. You cannot force people to change their thinking, but you can engage in healthy debate which may in turn open someone’s mind to the possibility there may be another way of looking at any given situation. Building rapport with someone allows you to become more persuasive and perhaps influence that persons’ thinking.

It is common for people to lose focus and only hear 25-50% of what is being said, so another good technique that helps to retain attention is to repeat what they have said back to them to clarify understanding…’so let me understand this……’

Shouting each other down over a difference of opinion is not healthy debate and rarely leads to an effective outcome for either party.

Whether you already know all this or not – it’s a good reminder that we are all unique, have different values, opinions and skills, but for us to co-exist more harmoniously, there are plenty of opportunities to practice these skills. Especially in difficult times, we don’t need divisiveness but much more empathy and acceptance.

Thanks for listening!